Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
