Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
