Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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