Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
