When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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