so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
