Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
