he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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