I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
