i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
