If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
