You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
