I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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