Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I need to stop coming to work sober
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
