P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
