I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
