it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
