We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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