dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
