i don't like sucking hair
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
