Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When are your genitals available?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
