Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
