Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
