first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize