My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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