He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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