I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
