i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
