I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
