Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize