oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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