and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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