??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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