the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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