Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
