Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
