So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
operation have a gay friend backfired
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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