Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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