What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Girls should come with a carfax report
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
