I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
