please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
