I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
