I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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