I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have post one night stand depression
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize