Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
