so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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