My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
