I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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