sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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