You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
