so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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