she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
