walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
