you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
