it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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