Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's paint friendship bongs
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize