it's great music for shaving your balls
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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