We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize