But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
