Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
