I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Congratulations! We have a period
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
