i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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