he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
