I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
