At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
