You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
