Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
