I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
