Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
