i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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